Its Wednesday and time for our Weekly Wedding Post at ClassyBlackGirl.com We usually have a Top 10 List, but this week we received an email that we HAD to address it to our readers!...realizing that this is probably an issue that is commonly faced. The dreaded Ex!
The names and information have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty!
--- From Subscriber: Jeanee
I see that you have been posting on Weddings a LOT more lately. I never thought that I would have a need for an Etiquette Expert...but now I do. I am getting married in July and things are generally going very well. However, my husband has a son, Trey, from a previous relationship, who is 7 years old. His sons mother, Misha, is a typical "Baby Mama." Misha is basically demanding, through my fiancé, Quan, that she should be allowed to be there because Trey is in the wedding. I have had some issues with Misha, she has been what I would consider disrespectful to me and our relationship through their son. Point Blank, I dont want Misha at my wedding. I cannot understand why Quan's mother cant care for Trey through the celebration? I do not want to be a Bridezilla but at the same time I do NOT want to see this heffa's scowling face as I walk down the aisle on MY day or at my reception. Nor do I want her taking pictures of us.
How do I handle this situation without offending my fiancé and maintaining the peace?
Just fabulous in July, Jeanee ---
Greetings Just Fabulous,
First of all-Congratulations! This is a time that you and Quan should be enjoying and I hope that you both are!!
I would like to start off by saying, this is a conversation that you need to be having with Quan. There is no reason that there should be anybody at your wedding that you do not want there-including his Baby Mama. Besides the fact that her meal will cost you extra, the anxiety will cost you more. While your husbands son is a new part of your life and family, Misha, if not a positive factor, needs to begin to understand your NEW place. You are no longer just the girlfriend, but you will now be the wife and you must be respected. Your disrespect in the past entitles you to say that you do not want Misha at your party. Yet, you will need to come up with a solution. I believe that your suggestion of Trey's grandmother or one of his sisters(somebody not in the wedding) would be a perfect choice to care for your new son during the celebration.
Your husband is going to have to take the lead in having this conversation with his Baby Mama. And if he cannot get this situation under control, this is going to be a thorn in your married life forever. And could potentially lead to its demise since Trey is only 7. Ask Quan if HE would be invited to Misha's wedding? It's all about real life and respect.
I hope that this helps your day be the brightest that it could possibly be!
--- Okay, so I know that Jeanee is going to read this BlogPost, but really...she has got to line this heffa up! The only reason that Misha wants to be at your wedding is to be hateful, spiteful and probably wear white. The fact that you even know that she wants to be invited leads me to believe that this situation is bigger than her son, its about Quan and still wanting to remain a "relevant" part of his life. Besides being his Baby's Mama, she has no relevance unless Quan wants her there. And if he wants Misha to be a part of his life, Jeanee might want to take several seats and figure out if Quan is THE ONE?
If you have any questions you want to Ask Ms. Class, please shoot us an email at AskUs@ClassyBlackGirl.com!!
Classily Yours, Sharelle D. Lowery