Well here's another first for me. Today I've received my first direct question from the Classy Black Girl audience...about the all important "Get Busy!"
All questions for me on any subject can be sent to AskJason@ClassyBlackGirl.com
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Now Let's Get Busy!
I am a regular chick, but I have one problem, I never know when the right time is to have sex. Sometimes I get busy too soon and then he is gone. Other times I hold out too long and he doesn't stick around. What am I doing wrong?
Scared to Get Busy
This is a classic question but I feel like ladies are focusing on the wrong thing here. Let me share I belief that I subscribe to:
Women pick who they will have sex with and Men pick who they will make their wife.
Now, let me elaborate. Generally speaking men pursue, court and interact with women to gain their favor to advance the level of relationship between them especially on a physical level. Majority of the time sex is for the woman to dictate (no pun intended). She may not initiate the sex but it is her who allows it to happen. On the flip side, once the relationship advances to that point, it's usually the man with the decision to make the move of engagement towards marriage.
Embrace your power in the male/female dynamic. There is no general "right time" for sex. There is only the right time for you with that particular partner. Timing is relative to the type of relationship you are in.
That is where you have to focus. What do you want from this man you are dealing with? Relationship failure on many levels today is the result of poor judgement of character. Take the time to know who you are dealing with first and foremost.
Once you feel comfortable with who you're interacting with then you can decide what capacity you want this man in your life. Casual, just friends, long-term, etc.....Use that to gauge your timing on when to escalate things to a sexual level. It may be weeks, could be months. Keep the communication open and honest about how you feel and want you what. If a man doesn't like it he'll leave but its better he leave because he didn't want to wait then you just sleep with a guy that didn't deserve it in the first place.
I'm going to break a little bit of Guy Code here. Be clear that a man who is looking just for the sex can and will act the good guy role to get it.