When you date somebody and then it doesn't work out, it's usually for a reason.
Sometimes months or even years will go by and you wonder if maybe it could have eventually worked out. This happened to me.
I had "the one I will always love."
He always called, always kept in touch. I told him NO, usually once a month and sometimes we would go into talking spurts and we would talk for a few days then I would get my mind right and remember what a "not good boyfriend" that he was.
Well we had a good conversation during one of those spurts and I agreed to meet him....it had been years since we had seen each other. When we did....of course sparks flew...but I knew that this was going to be all wrong-again. In the pit of my stomach I was like...here we go again.
I broke my two year celibacy and fell in "kinda love" all over again. It was kinda because I still felt in the back if my mind that this would not end well.
The sex was truly the best that I had ever had in my life (no really, I recommend him)....luckily he told me that first. We were full of I Love Yous and I miss yous and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Maybe he really had changed."
"Maybe we could work it out even though my Mama hated him." ...okay everybody hated him.
But it wasn't to be the case.
Not only was he STILL exactly the same, so was I. And I hated who I was when I was with him.
I can't blame him at 100% for it not working out with us the first 20 times or even the last time. Our personalities just clash. And the difference between me at 26 versus me at 36: I have less patience (especially for bullsh*t), I am less naive and I realize that he isn't the only dick in town.
I'm sooooo glad that I gave him a second chance for two reasons:
- Sex with him meant that my number didn't go up. And I truly enjoyed the sex because I wasn't trying to impress this man. We know each other.
- Okay...it wasn't about the sex. It was about the fact that now I can lay my head down knowing that FOR SURE....Breaking up with him years ago was the best thing that I could have ever done. There isn't an incling of a wonder. I know. I no longer romanticize our messed up relationship. It wasn't that we were just young, we are just incompatible.
...and that's okay.
The worst thing is to think that maybe you could have done more. This is why I am soooo glad that I gave my ex one last try. Now and don't have an Ex Factor.
One last try can give you the closure that you didn't even know that you needed.