I do not often write about my deep personal life or how I FEEL because I write about general life. But I figured that I was not the only one to feel like this, so maybe I should share.
I had begun to identify myself too much with my pretty. Or my Pretty Fake.
My hair (it was fake), my body (okay I was corseted up, so it was fake too) and my lashes (you know the fake ones). Combined with my 5 inch high heel shoes, blood red lips and Betty Boop walk-I was a real life version of Cita. Y'all remember Cita from BET. The attention that I received gave me confidence, sassiness and the attention was accident causing. My Sorority Sister said,
I took pride in that, my pretty. Even if it was pretty fake.
As time passed I started loving this thing under my weaves, I saw YouTube videos about these chicks with Natural Hair and then I started wearing mine out. It started a whole landslide of wanting to look more like ME. The Pretty Me. The REAL Pretty Me that didn't end up like a pile on the floor after a night partying with my girls.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm no "I'm Going to get You Sucker" type of chick, but I definitely had been hiding behind my hair, lashes and Nicki Minnaj body shapers.
I was afraid to go to an event where people recognized me in a certain way. In that pretty fake way. Afraid that they wouldn't like me as much, that men wouldn't be attracted to me as much. Insecure.
I knew that I needed that sense of freedom though.
So I slowly started to break off pieces of that unpretty. I stopped wearing fake hair. Whoa! I actually had a guy ask me, "where is your hair?" Gulp.
I stopped wearing lashes, now that was not such a big deal because I actually started looking at my face more and realized that my eyes were my most alluring feature. Then I stopped wearing that Body Magic. You know the one that had my very average body looking like a cartoon character? Yeah I stopped wearing it. Full body shots were just not as fun.
I actually learned three things:
1. Men actually LIKE regular, real girls. Maybe more than the supermodel wannabes.
2. The guys that only liked the pretty fake me, were not looking to really get to know me anyway. And getting dressed up for them was just wasting my damn time.
3. That if I decide to get all over fly and pretty fake once in a while, there is nothing wrong with it...as long as I do it for myself and as long as I'm not hiding.
Now you are hard pressed to find me looking Pretty Fake (oh but it can happen), and online I am motivated to share my natural beauty. Every time I receive an inbox message from a Sista telling me that they love my hair or that they have been motivated to wear their hair natural or that they get ideas from my videos....I just look in the mirror, take another selfie and smile knowing that this is the REAL me. Whether you think that it's pretty or not!
What do you think about being pretty fake? Your comments are appreciated.