This weekend (okay last weekend, I have been busy y'all) I went to go see 50 Shades of Grey with my girls. It's was interesting.
I totally enjoyed the soft porn-ness of it all. But it honestly reminded me of every BAD relationship that I have ever had.
Here are the top 5 Reasons that I'm NOT feeling 50 Shades of Grey:
1. Every damn thing (food, dates, her look) had to be on his terms, but he loved Anastasia because she wasn't "typical."
Apparently there had been 15 other women who Christian Grey wanted to whip, tie up and spank the HELL out of. He specifically stated what he wanted from a woman, because she was not willing to play HIS game...she was hot.
*rolling my eyes*
2. The mixed messages of was it a relationship? Wasn't it a relationship? Sometimes I call you my girlfriend...but we can't even sleep in the same bed.
I was also done with the fact that BOTH of their parents basically sucked. I haven't ventured into the second 50 Shades Book....but I hope that it's not going to be "I separate sex and love because of my Mama." So I can't fully commit.
3. I don't think that the real safety (or potential lack theirof) of S & M was discussed. I wanted to see more of how regular people could incorporate more exciting sex into their lives. There were so many relationship/non-relationship issues that were going on that I didn't get to learn too much about where there was the enjoyment of pleasure and pain.
I wanted to see more tie me up, blind fold me and make it hurt so good. Let's talk about this sex chamber!
4. So Anastasia Steele was a virgin, but she was grinding like that hours later?
I remember my first time and the next day (definitely not the next morning) I was NOT trying to get that again. I needed some space and to figure out how I was going to sit down. She climbed up on top of him like she had been sexing him for years.
5. The Ending Just Sucked
I know that the book ended just like this-abruptly. But I must admit....after that a$$ whooping and all that sexy-sex...that I needed more closure. Like....really? And NO don't give me all $1500 for that damn big you sold. At least get my car back! Now the girl is on foot. And I would NOT have given him his stuff back. He beat her Ike style. In six wacks! She should have called the damn police.
Final Classy Thoughts
Not to say that I didn't enjoy the lip biting sexy sound bites of dirty talk and who doesn't love a helicopter ride a man that loves to go down and touch you in all the good places. We all like a little spanking and an aggressive "take charge" type of man but I'm not down for the super S & M.
And oh....why didn't either Anastasia or Christian Steele bother to trim up their nether parts? Everything was so neat and beautiful in the film, but there were unkempt, wiry hairs everywhere. ....and I was just too close to the screen.
What did YOU think of 50 Shades of Grey and will you be catching up on your 50 Shades reading or wait until the next movie comes out?